My name is Ben and none of this matters.

My name is Ben Hail. I write stupid jokes on the internet and sometimes I perform them. I don't know what you're doing here.
~ Thursday, October 31 ~
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kinda sad the only habit i’ve developed since graduating college is calculating how much sleep i could get before work if i went to sleep right now, saying fuck it and masturbating to internet porn.


~ Wednesday, September 18 ~
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kinda proud of this one

kinda proud of this one


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~ Saturday, September 14 ~
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last year i did a show with this comedian who told me i had the talent to make it and various other (possibly empty) compliments. he was on conan this week. i work in a warehouse and haven’t performed in 4 months. but i do have his business card/headshot. he didn’t sign it, but he did write down his email in his own handwriting.


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~ Friday, July 19 ~
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me and all my frans!

me and all my frans!


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Post-Racism America in the wake of the Trayvon Martin verdict.

The fact that in the wake of the Trayvon Martin verdict people took to facebook to show outrage that the deaths of white teens like Autumn Pasquale and Marley Lion weren’t national stories and that Obama didn’t recognize them shows that in our country we value the lives of white children over black children.

The same people that were “outraged” by this are the people that say that Trayvon either deserved it because he was a thug or some other racist shit. These arguments are coupled with people who claim some kind of unrealistic colorblind-ism by saying that it’s not about race, it’s about behavior. This is bullshit for many reasons. Namely white people saying they don’t see race while it continues to permeate every aspect of our society. This takes away from the real problems that people of color experience when the more priviliged (pronounced lucky as fuck) decide that the struggles of others don’t exist because they decided not to consider them. Also, it rests on the ground that their problem with people of color isn’t about race but about their behavior.

This argument is very simple. I want people that are different than me (blacks, latinos, muslims, etc.) to be more white. If Trayvon would have just acted more white he’d still be alive. Reverse racism is not a thing in the same way that misandry is not a thing. Oppression depends on prejudice and institutionalized, systemic power. To say that women are sexist against men or that minorities and people of color are racist against white people detracts from the power imbalance that is so inherent in a society dominated by straight, white, males.

Fuck calling this a soapbox or a high horse. I’d drop a mic and flip a bird at an all white audience if I felt like it would help. Fuck the police, smash the state, all cops are bastards, etc. I have a goddamn degree in sociology and if this is the only way I can use it I’m fine with that.

Tags: Trayvon racism i went to college and all i got was this useless degree that helps teach empathy fuck white people oh yeah i'm an aspiring comedian
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gonna start blogging again

it’s basically gonna just be my poems and shit. but first. racism.


~ Friday, June 21 ~
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kinda upset that the ‘expectant mothers’ parking sign is a cartoon stork and not a caricature of a glazed-eyed 23 year old jones-ing for a cigarette while she scolds her other two kids for trying to guilt trip her into slurpees.


~ Monday, May 6 ~
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Just saw The Great Gatsby. It was okay but the sitting-in-8th-grade-english-class-stoned-out-of-my-mind-taking-turns-reading-it-out-loud-while-scribbling-anarchy-symbols-on-the-back-of-my-5-star-notebook version of the book was better.

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reblogged via imbilldixon
~ Friday, January 4 ~
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‎”i can only sing if i’m wearing jewelry. see?” (*takes off necklace, sings horribly. *puts on necklace, still sings horribly but with shinier plumage). - toddler reenacting the world’s shittiest episode of the twilight zone


~ Friday, December 28 ~
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For me stand up is like everything else I do; met with mixed results.

Tags: comedy This one time I went hiking and forgot to wear socks